Someone told me this last night, and instead of turning it into a…You know you’re from Salinas when, joke…I will take a moment to address it.
All (all three) of you know how hard it is for me to let people in. Not only because it took me forever to trust you, but because you also know how my relationships normally turn out.
I am trying, hard, to get better at letting people in. The last time I really did, relationship wise, as you all know I lost him to cancer. Everyone says that I put the walls up so that I can’t get hurt, which I am sure is subconsciously what I am doing. But when I rationalize it, it goes beyond that. It’s the fact that I don’t think I am strong enough to really handle losing someone again, or getting that hurt. I am not good at relationships because I can’t normally provide the emotional attachment people are looking for so I think it’s always going to turn out bad. Maybe someone will prove me wrong, or I will prove myself wrong. But for now all I can do is work on taking the walls down.
