I thought this topic would be a very nice follow up from the last post. I truly believe that sometimes life can be so mundane. We live day to day, in the same routines. Going through the same repetitive motions. Only sometimes, things do change. In one second, one minute, one hour, one day. Suddenly life is different, you are different. Suddenly you wish so deeply that you had the repetition back.
I think the best examples I can think of I this drastic change, is with great loss. Someone you love to the ends of the earth and back, is taken from you. There becomes this massive hole in your heart that no one can fill. There are no words anyone can say to fill the void, but they try because they love you.
You look back and constantly question how everything changed in the blink of an eye. How it was that 20 minutes before you were as happy as you had ever been, and after you feel as though you are dead among the living. I wish I had these great words of wisdom, that everything gets better over time. That they will always be with us, that they are at peace, that eventually our hearts will move on.
I’m still waiting. For the peace. For the void to be filled. I don’t know if it will ever come or if I will always feel as though a part of me is missing. I do know that despite the pain, despite this dark hole…I try my hardest to be happy. I know that’s what he would have wanted. I will always have the memories.
I am constantly reminded though. Sarah Evans I think describes it so well in these versus. She is talking about a different kind of loss, but I think the feelings are the same.
“Woke up late today, and I
Still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brushed my teeth anyway;
Got dressed through the mess
And put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.
Riding in the car to work, and I’m
Tryin’ to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio—
Stupid song made me think of you.
I listened to it for a minute,
But then I changed it.
I’m getting; a little bit stronger;
Just a little bit stronger.
Doesn’t happen overnight, but you
Turn around a months gone by,
And you realize.
I know my heart will never be the same,
But I’m tellin’ myself I’ll be okay.
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger.
These are just parts of the song but I think these are the parts that I really relate to. I’m going to be okay, I know I am. But I can’t help but wonder how long it will hurt. I definitely have become a different person through it all.
I am more patient, more compassionate, more caring. It is true that every person you meet is fighting some kind of battle. We’re never alone.
